Since time immemorial, our directors and producers have been burdening our minds with repetitive, stereotypical stuff in their movies under the pretext of entertaining us. I mean what the hell !! Its not that they show us original content. They anyway lift content from Hollywood, so why be repetitive? Conspiracy theories range from aliens brainwashing our directors to George Bush bribing them to keep the Indian people from getting even more smarter and giving the Americans a run for their jobs. Its time we wake up and take notice. So as a part of our awareness campaign, here are a few common movie cliches that we witness in almost every one-fourth movie :
Songs
1. The hero, whenever he jumps into the middle of the road and begins to dance and sing, all the passers-by leaving all their work join him in his dance and song, and dance with amazing co-ordination with the hero even without any rehearsal. Surprisingly, nobody (not even the police)
mind the traffic being halted and normal work being disrupted by this buffoonery.
2. The hero and heroine may be poor and starving still they are able to pay for their trip to Switzerland and other exotic locations for the purpose of singing and dancing.
3. The Gods must be impressed by the hero of the movie because whenever he wants to sing and dance, heavens play music for him so that he can sing to the tune and dance to the tune. No need for orchestra wherever he may be, up a hill or in the middle of the sea !!!
Combat
1.When the villain gets the gun, and the hero is helpless, he will indulge in speaking useless dialogues rather than just finishing the hero off giving the heroine ample time to regain consciousness and strike the villain from behind thus saving the day.
2. Usually villains maintain a document or a file of their evil deeds, so that the hero may conveniently steal it from them without having to search too hard, to prove his innocence and their guilt.
Weddings
1. Whenever the hero stops a wedding, he is just on time with the 7 “fere” still incomplete and 2nd or 3rd one in progress.
2. Whenever a villain stops a wedding, he is late by a little margin with the 7 “fere” having just been completed and the groom having applied the crimson on bride’s temple a few seconds before.
Alcohol
1. Characters in a movie never puke after drinking even if they are drinking for the first time and even if they have gulped down several glasses of neat whisky.
2. Women never drink unless they are vamps.
Gunfights
1. If there is a gang of crooks, the hero never misses a single shot. Somehow all his bullets find one crook or the other.
2.In a gunfight all the crooks fall over as soon as they are hit with a bullet even if they are hit in the shoulder and somehow refuse to fire any further bullets with the gun in their hands.
3. The hero on the other hand even if hit by several bullets keeps on firing. In the end even if he is dying he will die after he has had his last word with all his well wishers around.
To add to this long list of movie cliches, comment in the Comments Section. Enjoy reading!!!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Give it a thought
Fed up of your intensive schedule and boring work. Time for a break.
Here are some one liners for you to make your mind lighter.
1. Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
2. Few women admit their age; few men act it.
3. You can’t have everything; where would you put it?
4. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
5. I just let my mind wander, and it didn’t come back.
6. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
7. If at first you don’t succeed, don’t try skydiving.
8. I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out.
9. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
10. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Here are some one liners for you to make your mind lighter.
1. Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
2. Few women admit their age; few men act it.
3. You can’t have everything; where would you put it?
4. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
5. I just let my mind wander, and it didn’t come back.
6. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
7. If at first you don’t succeed, don’t try skydiving.
8. I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out.
9. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
10. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Wierd Laws
Here are some wierd laws across the world.
Germany:
Every office must have a view of the sky, however small.
Finland:
Taxi drivers must pay royalties if they play music in their cars for paying customers.
Zimbabwe:
Citizens may not make offensive gestures at a passing state motorcade.
Swaziland:
Any woman who wears pants faces a possible punishment of having the pants ripped off her and torn to pieces by soldiers.
Young girls may not shake hands with men.
South Africa:
A license is required to purchase a television set.
Israel:
If you have been maintaining an illegal radio station for five or more years, the station becomes legal.
It is forbidden to bring bears to the beach.
France:
An ashtray is considered to be a deadly weapon.
No pig may be addressed as Napoleon by its owner.
It is illegal to kiss on railways in France.
Denmark:
If a horse drawn carriage is trying to pass a car and the horse becomes uneasy, the owner of the car is required to pull over and if necessary, cover the car.
Attempt to escape from prison is not illegal; however, if one he is caught he is required to serve out the remainder of his term.
Restaurants may not charge for water unless it is accompanied by another item such as ice or a lemon slice.
Canada:
You may not pay for a fifty-cent item with only pennies.
Greece:
All electronic games are banned.
Australia:
Taxi cabs are required to carry a bale of hay in the trunk.
Only licensed electricians may change a light bulb.
Until the Port Arthur Killings it was legal to own an AK-47 but not legal to be gay.
Italy:
Striking someone with a fist is considered a felony.
Morocco:
Anyone in company with someone who possesses narcotics, even if they are unaware that their companion has them, can be tried for the same crime.
United Kingdom:
It is illegal for two adult men to have sex in the same house as a third person.
Any person found breaking a boiled egg at the sharp end will be sentenced to 24 hours in the village stocks (enacted by Edward VI).
Any boy under the age of 10 may not see a naked mannequin.
Picking up abandoned baggage is an act of terrorism.
Singapore:
As it is considered pornographic, you may not walk around your home nude.
If you are convicted of littering three times, you will have to clean the streets on Sundays with a bib on saying, “I am a litterer.
South Korea:
Traffic police are required to report all bribes that they receive from motorists.
Switzerland:
Though it is illegal to produce, store, sell and trade absinth (special alcohol), it is legal to consume it.
Arizona:
There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.
Baltimore, Maryland:
It is illegal to take a lion to the movies
This has got to take the cake! A new law was recently passed in an unconfirmed State, saying that a criminal must now notify his victim by mail or telephone stating in detail the type of offense he plans to carry out at least 24 hours before He does!
Iowa:
A man with a mustache cannot kiss in public.
In Massachusetts, snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
In Paraguay, dueling is legal provided both parties are registered blood donors.
In New Jersey, it is illegal to slurp soup.
In Montana, it is a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail.
Germany:
Every office must have a view of the sky, however small.
Finland:
Taxi drivers must pay royalties if they play music in their cars for paying customers.
Zimbabwe:
Citizens may not make offensive gestures at a passing state motorcade.
Swaziland:
Any woman who wears pants faces a possible punishment of having the pants ripped off her and torn to pieces by soldiers.
Young girls may not shake hands with men.
South Africa:
A license is required to purchase a television set.
Israel:
If you have been maintaining an illegal radio station for five or more years, the station becomes legal.
It is forbidden to bring bears to the beach.
France:
An ashtray is considered to be a deadly weapon.
No pig may be addressed as Napoleon by its owner.
It is illegal to kiss on railways in France.
Denmark:
If a horse drawn carriage is trying to pass a car and the horse becomes uneasy, the owner of the car is required to pull over and if necessary, cover the car.
Attempt to escape from prison is not illegal; however, if one he is caught he is required to serve out the remainder of his term.
Restaurants may not charge for water unless it is accompanied by another item such as ice or a lemon slice.
Canada:
You may not pay for a fifty-cent item with only pennies.
Greece:
All electronic games are banned.
Australia:
Taxi cabs are required to carry a bale of hay in the trunk.
Only licensed electricians may change a light bulb.
Until the Port Arthur Killings it was legal to own an AK-47 but not legal to be gay.
Italy:
Striking someone with a fist is considered a felony.
Morocco:
Anyone in company with someone who possesses narcotics, even if they are unaware that their companion has them, can be tried for the same crime.
United Kingdom:
It is illegal for two adult men to have sex in the same house as a third person.
Any person found breaking a boiled egg at the sharp end will be sentenced to 24 hours in the village stocks (enacted by Edward VI).
Any boy under the age of 10 may not see a naked mannequin.
Picking up abandoned baggage is an act of terrorism.
Singapore:
As it is considered pornographic, you may not walk around your home nude.
If you are convicted of littering three times, you will have to clean the streets on Sundays with a bib on saying, “I am a litterer.
South Korea:
Traffic police are required to report all bribes that they receive from motorists.
Switzerland:
Though it is illegal to produce, store, sell and trade absinth (special alcohol), it is legal to consume it.
Arizona:
There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.
Baltimore, Maryland:
It is illegal to take a lion to the movies
This has got to take the cake! A new law was recently passed in an unconfirmed State, saying that a criminal must now notify his victim by mail or telephone stating in detail the type of offense he plans to carry out at least 24 hours before He does!
Iowa:
A man with a mustache cannot kiss in public.
In Massachusetts, snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
In Paraguay, dueling is legal provided both parties are registered blood donors.
In New Jersey, it is illegal to slurp soup.
In Montana, it is a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail.
Driving on Indian Roads
This hilarious article was written by an Expat from Baan, Netherlands who spent two years in Hyderabad. Driving in India for the benefit of every Tom, Dick & Harry visiting India and daring to drive on Indian roads, I am offering a few hints for survival.
They are applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safer.
Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, & leave the results to your insurance company.
The hints are as follows:
Do we drive on the left or right of the road? The answer is "both".
Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, & proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery & occasional fatality.
Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the intended direction. Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in reincarnation, the other drivers are not in any better position.
Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back.
Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.
Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We blow horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance & bare lust (two brisk blasts), or, just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar.
Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the rainwaters to recede when overground traffic meets underground drainage.
Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience (for those with the mental makeup of Chenghis Khan). In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes.
Our roads don't have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught.
Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill.
Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs at night,on the trunk roads.
During the daytime, trucks are more visible, except that the drivers will never show any Signal. (And you must watch for the absent signals; they are the greater threat). Only, you will often observe that the cleaner who sits next to the driver, will project his hand and wave hysterically. This is definitely not to be construed as a signal for a left turn. The waving is just an ex-pression of physical relief on a hot day.
Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking colored lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success.
Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi): The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene, oil & creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are folded & packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all.
Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton's laws of motion enroute to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate.
Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels & makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol & travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mopped" off the tarmac.
Leaning Tower of Passes: Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of 3 passengers.
One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning & proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you can't proceed in two directions at the same time. So drive as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type.
Least I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also. Rash & fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a "speed breaker"; two for each house. This mound, incidentally, covers the water & drainage pipes for that residence & is left untarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.
If, after all this, you still want to drive in India, have your lessons between 8 pm & 11 am when the police have gone home & the citizen is then free to enjoy the 'FREEDOM OF SPEED' enshrined in our constitution.
Having said all this, isn't it true that the accident rate & related deaths are less in India compared to US or other countries!?
They are applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safer.
Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, & leave the results to your insurance company.
The hints are as follows:
Do we drive on the left or right of the road? The answer is "both".
Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, & proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery & occasional fatality.
Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the intended direction. Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in reincarnation, the other drivers are not in any better position.
Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back.
Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.
Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We blow horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance & bare lust (two brisk blasts), or, just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar.
Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the rainwaters to recede when overground traffic meets underground drainage.
Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience (for those with the mental makeup of Chenghis Khan). In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes.
Our roads don't have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught.
Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill.
Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs at night,on the trunk roads.
During the daytime, trucks are more visible, except that the drivers will never show any Signal. (And you must watch for the absent signals; they are the greater threat). Only, you will often observe that the cleaner who sits next to the driver, will project his hand and wave hysterically. This is definitely not to be construed as a signal for a left turn. The waving is just an ex-pression of physical relief on a hot day.
Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking colored lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success.
Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi): The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene, oil & creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are folded & packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all.
Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton's laws of motion enroute to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate.
Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels & makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol & travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mopped" off the tarmac.
Leaning Tower of Passes: Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of 3 passengers.
One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning & proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you can't proceed in two directions at the same time. So drive as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type.
Least I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also. Rash & fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a "speed breaker"; two for each house. This mound, incidentally, covers the water & drainage pipes for that residence & is left untarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.
If, after all this, you still want to drive in India, have your lessons between 8 pm & 11 am when the police have gone home & the citizen is then free to enjoy the 'FREEDOM OF SPEED' enshrined in our constitution.
Having said all this, isn't it true that the accident rate & related deaths are less in India compared to US or other countries!?
pearls (??!!) of wisdom
All this stuff is from 'Illusion' by richard bach..i happend to read this book at a time wen i was amazingly down around 2 yrs ago n i go back to it wenevr i hit a valley..n it does help
* the mark of ignorance is the depth of ur belief in injustice and tragedy. what the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.
*Depending on people to care about what i say is depending on somebody else for my happiness
* Dont be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necsessary before you can meet again. And meeting again after moments or lifetimes is certain for those who are friends.
* Do unto others as u truly feel like doin unto others. (this one is mast)
*We chose , ourselves to be hurt or not to be hurt, no matter what. Its us who decides.
* You are never gines a wish without also being given the power to make it true. you may have to work for it however.
* Argue for your limiations and sure enough they are yours (nother cool one)
* the mark of ignorance is the depth of ur belief in injustice and tragedy. what the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.
*Depending on people to care about what i say is depending on somebody else for my happiness
* Dont be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necsessary before you can meet again. And meeting again after moments or lifetimes is certain for those who are friends.
* Do unto others as u truly feel like doin unto others. (this one is mast)
*We chose , ourselves to be hurt or not to be hurt, no matter what. Its us who decides.
* You are never gines a wish without also being given the power to make it true. you may have to work for it however.
* Argue for your limiations and sure enough they are yours (nother cool one)
Blind Ambition
Charlie Boswell has always been one of my heroes. He has inspired me and thousands of others to rise above circumstances and live our true passion. Charlie was blinded during World War II while rescuing his friend from a tank that was under fire. He was a great athlete before his accident and in a testimony to his talent and determination he decided to try a brand new sport, a sport he never imagined playing, even with his eyesight . . . golf!
Through determination and a deep love for the game he became the National Blind Golf Champion! He won that honor 13 times. One of his heroes was the great golfer Ben Hogan, so it truly was an honor for Charlie to win the Ben Hogan Award in 1958.
Upon meeting Ben Hogan, Charlie was awestruck and stated that he had one wish and it was to have one round of golf with the great Ben Hogan.
Mr. Hogan agreed that playing a round together would be an honor for him as well, as he had heard about all of Charlie's accomplishments and truly admired his skills.
"Would you like to play for money, Mr. Hogan?" blurted out Charlie.
"I can't play you for money, it wouldn't be fair!" said Mr. Hogan.
"Aw, come on, Mr. Hogan...$1,000 per hole!"
"I can't, what would people think of me, taking advantage of you and your circumstance," replied the sighted golfer.
"Chicken, Mr. Hogan?"
"Okay," blurted a frustrated Hogan, "but I am going to play my best!"
"I wouldn't expect anything else," said the confident Boswell.
"You're on Mr. Boswell, you name the time and the place!"
A very self-assured Boswell responded "10 o'clock . . . tonight!"
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